I am still alive. I’m trying to actually live more but more on that later!
I haven’t really posted since I got back from LA except for this recaps here. I did a couple photo dumps like here and here. I mentioned here how I just felt lost and confused and just helpless.
When I first got back I realized how much I disliked how my life was. Sure. I wasn’t depressed or sad or anything like that. I was happy, or so I thought. Then LA was just amazing. I had friends, didn’t worry about stupid stuff like eating (heck, I skipped meals some days!) I just hung out and competed and had fun all day everyday. I had girls falling all over me.
Then I got back and realized I wasn’t actually happy with this. I only liked it because I didn’t realize how good most people have it. Most people hang out all the time with friends like that. I never really hang out with people besides my family.
Anyway I came up with some things I need to change.
1. Be more social.
I never speak up, I usually jus listen. I need to joke and lead not follow. I need to reach out to new people and find old friends.
2. Eat to grow. In LA I did well but I wasn’t as big as
some most of the guys. I need to finally get over only eating healthy foods. Pasta, bread, potatoes come at me!
3. Make my own style. I already kind of do this but I want to do it more. I tried to were my favorite from LA, a cardigan, tank, skinny jeans and sweat leather boots on my first day back and got so much crap for it. I am going to start dressing nice more often, haters will always hate but they can’t change me!
I think there was maybe 3 students who said they liked it. Ohio has no fashion. If your a guy you have to fit in and follow rules nothing new, girls can do whatever. I always were really bright colors and try to match and people know me for good clothes but I’m gonna start dressing better. When I dress better , I feel better and that equals confidence
4. Go somewhere. I want to move, out of Ohio, where I am not. It is just not the life I want to live. I could be doing so much more than I am now. I have obvious potential in many things like modeling, acting, and getting friends. I just can’t do any of those things here. My problems are situational and I want to break out of this situation. So many agents wanted me to move to LA. I wish I could move to LA. I could stay with our friends up there. I could work and make money. I could be myself because you can do anything in California! I would probably make friends and hang out all the time. Sadly for now this is not even an option, my sister is still at boarding school so I can’t leave my brother here alone.
Eventually I will also do a photoshoot photo dump!